My Tony Bennett Story

In the fall of 1986, during my first year of college, school sponsored a field trip to The Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. It was unchaperoned, so we just wandered around the museum taking notes and sketching. We just had be outside, ready to leave, by a certain time. 

At the end of the day, while waiting for our bus ride home, my friend Rich yelled without warning, at the top of his lungs, "Oh my god, Tony Bennett! Look everyone, it's Tony Bennett!" So edgy. He scared the crap out of everyone, but we looked and, sure enough, there was Tony Bennett walking down the stairs to his ride. He looked back and everyone was mortified, some of us pointed at Rich who tried to hide. Tony had a look on his face that said "Kids..." When he got to the bottom of the steps I walked towards him. As he got in his car I said, "Sorry about my friend, he's kind of an idiot." He could have been grumpy or just ignored me, but he smiled at me and waved me off as if to say, "Don't worry about it. These things happen." He wasn't going to let some ignorant kids ruin his evening.

That's my Tony Bennett story. I didn't appreciate his music or learn that he was also a painter and loved spending time at the museum until years later, but based on that experience alone I always thought he was pretty cool. Still, I think seeing Rich get knocked out by Tony Bennett would have been a much better story.

RIP Tony.

I have a degree in such things

I keep a pair of tweezers in my desk drawer for occasions when I may need tweezers. Removing splinters, picking up tiny screws, and of course, plucking hair. The tips were a little janky and weren't working last time I used them. I noticed them just now and fixed them. 

I used the tweezers to hold an emory board and slowly, steadily slid the tweezers back and forth over the emory board, gradually increasing my speed (cause I ain't got all day) in an attempt to make the points where the tips meet nice and parallel. It worked perfectly. Where there was once a gap preventing it from firmly griping hair or paper, they now meet cleanly with no daylight showing. Emory boards and tweezers are great tools for your workshop if you ever work on small projects.

And after five years in art school and four years as a jewelry/metalsmith major, this is the extent of the use of the knowledge I acquired all those years ago. Don't be afraid to dream, kids.

Pure Imagination

I wrote this short story a while back when my daughter just didn't want to go to bed after she built a huge sofa cushion fort. It's another library contest entry.

You can read it at https://marcintosh.linefeed.app/pure-imagination-bef2f8

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas Shirts

I've got a few Christmas shirts (or sweatshirts if you like) available at my Cotton Bureau store. They're based on the movie "Elf" and the Disney+ "Prep and Landing" specials. You can find them here. 

Short Story, "Initiating Safety Protocols"

I wrote a short story for a contest at my local library. The only rule was that it had to be less then 800 words. This one clocked in at 566, but I felt like it was still too long for the concept. The story shares the thoughts of someone who believes they’re about to die. There isn't much time for thought, so I made some revisions and got it down to 393 words. Still too long, but better.

Originally this was the beginning of a much larger story I had in mind, but I changed the outcome to fit the assignment. The story didn’t win, but was included in a volume of all submitted entries that you can borrow from the library. I'm counting that as being published. I really liked the exercise in brevity, both the writing and the editing.

You can read it at https://marcintosh.linefeed.app/initiating-safety-protocols-f6131d

What's in a name?

My first online name was Marc430 back when I was on AOL, back when AOL was a thing. It's my name and my birthday, easy to remember for me and my family. As the internet became bigger and more ubiquitous I kept hearing more and more about not sharing personal information. Although nothing bad ever happened to me, I was convinced that having my birthday in my handle (as AOL called it) was a bad idea. So I started thinking of a new handle. 

I wanted the new handle to represent me, not by using vital statistics, but by acknowledging my interests. Like PhillyNerd or something like that (but not that). So what were my interests? I liked movies and TV, comic books, science fiction, art and design, and technology. So I compiled a list of names that expressed some or all of those traits, whittled it down and settled on... Crillee.

Crillee is the name of the font that was used for the credits of Star Trek: The Next Generation. It covered the gamut. Movies and TV? It was a favorite TV show (and movie series). Science fiction? It's Star Trek! Art and design? It's a typeface. Technology? It's a font. One word, no numbers, easy to remember. It ticked a lot of boxes and I was very happy with it. Until the Dude Bros™ found me. 

The Dude Bros™ (who do not share my interests) saw Crillee and immediately thought it was a girl's name. I got hit on a lot. A lot, a lot. (It made me appreciate women having to deal with this kind of crap all the time.) I would summarize the previous paragraph to explain my name, and that worked most of the time, but word of mouth wasn't gonna happen and I started feeling like a Top 10 radio station... the hits kept on coming. I had to pick a new name.

I went over the list of candidates I had compiled, but nothing really struck me as much as Crillee. I almost went back to my old name, scammers be damned, just to keep it simple. Luckily fate intervened. The timing was such that I was looking to leave AOL on dialup and get an ISP on DSL. When I found a good deal I created an account with every intention of going back to Marc430. As I was filling out the survey for new users they asked what platform I was on and as I was typing Macintosh I was looking at my name several questions back and it clicked. 

I've been marcintosh ever since.

Haiku Plowmen

The server's down, but the internet's up so just for fun I ran the Hawaiian alphabet through the Internet Anagram Server. I discovered the entire Hawaiian alphabet is contained in the phrase 'haiku plowmen.' That inspired a haiku:

All letters of the 

Hawaiian alphabet are

In ‘Haiku Plowmen’

Then I got to thinking about what haiku plowmen might actually be and decided that they are simply crafters of haiku. Another haiku:

Turning words like earth

Trimming lines like a bonzai
We haiku plowmen

My Wedding in Haiku

Big day here at last

It will be one of a kind

Just look at Dave's shoes

Posing for photos

I'm sure there are some shots of 

Jen's shoes stuck in mud

Friends and family

Gather on the patio

Jen is beautiful

Reading off my phone

Everyone is watching me

Crying tears of joy

Jeez, it's hot out here

I mean really freakin' hot

Let's just go inside

Make room for more plates

Can't they just clear the table?

So many flowers

Pianist unplugs

Feedback shocks the restaurant

Guitarist cries foul

Rowdy kid's table

My mother needs a napkin

Sofia's sleeping

So many courses

There's just so much food to eat

Could I get a box?

Lovely wedding cake

Everyone likes the topper

Bow doesn't make it

Brother gives a toast

His true feelings are revealed

I'm Buddy the Elf

More than anything

I will always remember

Those two guys in kilts

For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn.

I like to think Hemingway's famous six word story is about a little girl who likes to be barefoot all the time and outgrows her shoes before she gets to use them.

Update #1: Hemingway probably didn't write that story.

Update #2: I got selected for the One Sentence blog

It was a beautiful day.

I woke up around 8:00. I did the morning thing... showered, shaved, got dressed. It was a beautiful day so I decided to walk along the bus route to the subway. I figured if the bus didn't come while I was waiting at least I had a nice walk. It never came.

When I got to the subway I sat on the platform and read while I waited about 10 minutes for the train. I can't remember what I was reading, but it was probably something I'd read before. Maybe a comic book.

The train came and I walked to the end of the platform so I would be right near the exit when it got to my stop. I got on at 63rd Street so there were plenty of seats, but I always liked to stand when I rode the train. I would stand without leaning against the door and slowly rock back and forth to keep my balance as the train moved.

It was an uneventful train ride. I got off at 5th Street and walked up to the street. It was a really beautiful day. The sun was shining, but not the way that makes you squint at everything. I went to the newsstand to get my usual "breakfast" - a Snapple and a soft pretzel.

I walked through Independance Mall to get to work. I'd walk past tourists taking pictures, posing in front of Independance Hall. I always used to wonder how many vacation photos I must be in. Photo bombing wasn't a thing back then, but if it was I would have been awesome at it.

I got to my desk a little after 10:00. When I got settled in I logged onto AIM. Back then there was nothing to stop you from chatting with your friends at work. No reason, really. My friend, Craig, popped up.

"Hey, how's it going?"

"Not good, not good."

"Why, what's happening?"

"The second tower just collapsed."

"What are you talking about?"

They closed the office and sent everyone home an hour later because we were next to Independance Hall and the Liberty Bell. Who knew what could happen next? On the way home I remembered the guy at the newsstand was talking to someone about a plane crash. He was real casual about it, like it was a tragic accident or something. Nobody knew. Why would they? It was such a beautiful day.

Be a werewolf (don't be a vampire)

Back in high school a friend and I changed the words to the Dr. Pepper jingle to be all about werewolves. An American Werewolf in London had just come out starring David Naughton who was the Dr. Pepper Spokesman. For some reason it's been stuck in my head all morning. It went like this:

I've turned into a werewolf don't you know.
There's really no where safe you can go,
'Cause if you look around these days
There seems to be a lycanthropic craze!*

I'm a werewolf! He's a werewolf. She's a werewolf!
If you've been bitten maybe your a werewolf, too!
Be a werewolf (don't be a vampire)
Be a werewolf (don't be a vampire)

See, even back in the '80s vampires were lame.

*American Werewolf, The Howling and Wolfen all came out in 1981.

Up: Just how old are Carl and Muntz?

We don't really get any exact dates in Disney/Pixar's Up, but we can extrapolate enough information to determine approximate ages for Carl Fredricksen and Charles Muntz.

First, the dates. In the opening newsreel Charles Muntz's dirigible, The Spirt of Adventure, is described as "longer than 22 prohibition paddy wagons placed end-to-end." Prohibition was from 1920-1933. I'll give the benefit of the doubt and say Up takes place from 1933 to 2009/present day.

Second, the ages. They don't mention Carl or Muntz's ages in the film, so we'll have to do a little detective work and some educated guessing. I think it's safe to assume that young Carl and Ellie are about the same age as the actors who voiced them. I can't find any info on Jeremy Leary, who voiced young Carl, but I learned that Elie Docter, who voiced young Ellie, was only seven at the time. Assuming Carl and Ellie the same age, they were seven in 1933, which makes present day Carl 83 years old. Charles Muntz is actually based on aviator Charles Lindberg. Lindberg was 31 in 1933, but only 25 when he made his famous transatlantic flight. Let's say Muntz was also 25 when he left for South America to give him the best chance of surviving to the end of the film. Even using numbers that give us the smallest window of time, that would still make Muntz 101 years old in the present day!

I don't know about you, but I just can't see how a 101-year-old could do all the things he did in this film. In fact, one of the helmets Muntz is knocking around in his blimp after the dinner scene should have been his own! Jack LaLanne was 93 when he died, so Carl's activity seems quite possible. But Muntz seems highly unlikely. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Up. One of my all time favorite movies. But when I think about the math it gives me a headache.

Beauty and The Beast - Shouldn't the Prince be in bed?

I have a problem when a movie gets its own timeline wrong. Well, not wrong, but definitely questionable. That's when my suspension of disbelief falls apart. I can't help it, I like math.

In Disney's Beauty and the Beast the filmmakers made references to time that just don't add up. The opening of the film explains that the Prince/Beast had to love and be loved in return by the time the enchanted rose stopped blooming on his 21st birthday. Later, during the song Be Our Guest, Lumiere sings "Ten years we've been rusting, needing so much more than dusting."

So, even though the opening sequence showed him looking just like he did at the end, the dialogue of the film indicates that when the Prince answered the door he was only ten years old. Which begs the question; why was an ten-year-old prince answering the door? There were (literally) dozens of servants. Surely, one of them must have been responsible for answering the door. And where are the King and Queen? And why do three people need that many servants? Downton Abbey only has about ten servants to take care of eight people.

What's most frustrating is that the problem could have easily been avoided by changing the word "Ten" to "For" in Be Our Guest. Even it you misheard and thought he said "Four" that would have made the Prince a more reasonable 17 years old.

That's all I got for now, but I might have other movie conundrums to decipher in the future.

Why I think the new iPad didn't get Siri.

I think it comes down to the basic function of the two devices, iPhone and iPad. Often when you use your iPhone to do the things that Siri let's you do, it's interrupting something else. Whether it's saving a reminder, setting an appointment or sending a text, Siri let's you "get in and get out" to deal with those little interruptions quicker so you can get back to what you were doing. It makes a device of convenience even more convenient.

But the iPad is different. Apple doesn't think you're using your iPad while doing other tasks like walking down the street or socializing with friends. They think you're sitting in a comfy chair or at a table and doing stuff with it. When you're using your iPad what you're doing is using your iPad. If you need to do the things that Siri let's you do, just press a few buttons and do them yourself. You have a minute or two to spare if you're using the iPad the way it was meant to be used.

Ultimately, the iPhone is a traveling companion, but the iPad is a destination. You don't need Siri's help to get where you already are.

Twice as big, half the size.

So, I signed up for that 1st generation iPod nano replacement program a couple months ago. I finally got my replacement and it was a 6th generation iPod nano. Apparently, I'm not the only one this has happened to either.

I'm digging the new iPod. It's easily the coolest iPod I've ever owned (not counting my iPhone 4) with the biggest upgrade being the capacity - from 4GB to 8GB. But I'll miss having Breakout in my pocket, mostly for it's Apple history.

That got me thinking about games that could work on the new iPod nano. It has a touch screen and an accelerometer, but hardly any room for on-screen controls with such a small screen (1.1" x 1.1"). While Breakout wouldn't work, swiping and tilting games would be ideal. The first one that came to mind was the classic sliding number puzzle, also with it's own Apple history. A simple marble maze game or a Simon type game with four large buttons would work well at that size, too. Nothing too fancy, just little Cracker Jack size games, befitting the form factor. I know it's not running iOS, so I'm not expecting them to open it up to the app store, but there's an opportunity to do something neat there.

Apple HDTV: why bother?

Here's my take on the forthcoming Apple HDTV.

Years ago MP3 players sucked. There was nothing awesome about them, they were hard to use, low capacity, etc. Apple saw an opportunity to do something awesome. The introduced the iPod and changed the industry.

Same story with digital music. Hard to use, hard to find, pricing all over the place, mostly pirated stuff. Apple saw an opportunity to do something awesome. They introduced the iTunes Store and changed the industry.

And again with smartphones. Everything out there sucked. There was almost nothing smart about them at all, they were hard to use and pretty dreadful to look at. Apple saw an opportunity to do something awesome. They introduced the iPhone and changed the industry.

Same with tablets. Everything sucked, running desktop OSes, as bulky as a laptop, etc. Apple saw an opportunity to do something awesome. They introduced the iPad. Game changer. Everyone is still trying to catch up.

Now we come to televisions. Everything out there sucks. ...oh wait, no it doesn't. The market is littered with awesome TVs!

I upgraded my MP3 because the one I had was only okay. Same with my phone. But my TV is awesome and I just spent $1,500 on it. I'm not getting rid of this thing until it dies a natural death. Upgrade is not something I'd ever do with any TV that works just fine. Hell, I don't even have Blue-Ray yet. Not worth the premium to me and I'm sure millions of other people feel the same way.

Sure Apple's monitors are some of the best out there and movies on them would look gorgeous, but will people buy them? Sony's Bravia line of TVs has the best picture quality I've ever seen, but they are consistently 30% to 50% more expensive than other options and most people don't think they're worth it. Sony is losing money on them quarter after quarter. An Apple HDTV is bound to be in the same price bracket.

What's wrong with the television industry is not the hardware, it's the industry. If an Apple HDTV will let me subscribe to just HBO or AMC and not dozens of useless channels I'll never watch, then I'll start weighing my options. If an Apple HDTV can get me a price lock on my cable bill like they did with my cell phone bill, I'll seriously consider it. If Apple TV can insure that the quality programs I enjoy will stay on the air for more than 6 episodes even if only 7 million people are watching them, I'll buy two!

But if all the Apple HDTV will do is save me a few steps getting to the same content I'm getting now, forget it. If the Apple HDTV is just going to save me the hassle of connecting multiple devices by integrating them into one, not interested. If it lets me change the channel by waving my hands or talking to it, who cares? All those features can be added to my awesome TV with a set-top box, a souped-up AppleTV (and most of them aren't even necessary).

I really think it's a bad idea for Apple to make a TV, but if they do come out with something awesome that blows my socks off it wouldn't be the first time. And I'll probably buy one, dammit.

Superman is from Earth

With the release of Justice League #1, the DC Reboot is officially underway and answers to a lot of questions are starting to trickle out. I've been a fan of Superman my whole life, so it's the changes they're making to him that concern me the most. I have to say, I'm not happy about some of them.

At first, I was just upset that they changed the costume, but I got over that. The red belt serves the same purpose as the red trunks to divide top from bottom. How the cape connects with that collar bugged me, but then I realized that it didn't bug me that Superman can fly and see through walls, so why worry about how his cape stays on? It must be securely fastened to his costume somehow. Superglue, maybe. And the boots with the excessive padding really threw me. Why would Superman need padding or any sort of protection in his costume? He's invulnerable! Batman needs padding, Superman not so much. It can't be a style choice, it doesn't look that comfortable. The explanation we've gotten is that his costume pays homage to his Kryptonian roots. One piece of the big problem I have with the "new" Superman.

Then I was upset about the changes to the characters. No more Lois and Clark (she's even dating someone else)? Clark marrying Lois was one of the best things to happen to Superman in all the time I've been reading him. Seeing Lois try to figure out Superman's secret identity over so many years was getting very tired. And she was a much more effective character once she was in on his secret. But I enjoyed seeing Clark trying to get Lois to pay attention to him over Superman, and I'll enjoy it again. No more Ma and Pa Kent? They were a great addition to the story when John Byrne re-introduced them back in the 80's. They were Clark's moral compass and foundation continuing to give him  guidance. Now, with the Kents gone, it seems he's going to struggle with his humanity and feel like he doesn't fit in because he's an alien. Except, he's not. Not really. And that's the biggest problem I have. Superman is from Earth.

Yes, Superman was rocketed here from Krypton as an infant, but that's it for the influence of Krypton. After he lands, Jonathan and Martha Kent take over. Sure, he eventually learns of his alien heritage, but not before he gets a happy childhood with loving parents, growing up on a farm in Kansas. No matter which origin you go with, he was raised by the Kents to be a normal kid. Eventually, he learns of his abilities and, based on his upbringing, decides to leave the farm and do good in the world. Superman was made by a guy from Smallville, Kansas who wanted to help people and still have some sort of private life. He doesn't go by Kal-El, his Kryptoninan name, he goes by Clark Kent, who was raised on Earth.

I'm a little worried this reboot will bring back aspects of the Superman of the 60's and 70's. The Kryptonian overseer and protector who lived in the Fortress of Solitude and disguised himself as Clark Kent so that he could walk among us. He was creepy. He called the Kents his "foster" parents. He often just called them "The Kents." Who does that? Sometimes you wouldn't even be talking to him, but a robot that looks like him and has all his powers. Creepy, I tell you.

So that's my two cents. Superman is a reflection of the culture around him. And that culture is America. By putting him more in touch with his Kryptonian heritage in the reboot, DC risks taking away a lot of the humanity that makes him who he is. It remains to been seen who he'll be when all the dust settles, but here's hoping he wont be fighting for truth, justice and the Kryptonian way.

What does it mean?

It's a double rainbow! It's so beautiful! What does it mean?

Day of the Honu

Yesterday we stopped by a small beach on the north shore of O'ahu that's a very popular basking and feeding spot for Honu (sea turtles). Volunteers watch the beach and keep tourists from getting too close to any visiting turtles. Still, I was no more than five feet from this one. The picture is a little deceiving, she was about the size of a large tire. I have better pictures on my Canon that I can post later.

PukaDog

We promised our friend, Fote, we would have lunch at PukaDog in Waikiki.

Puka means hole in Hawaiian, so what they do here is poke a hole lengthwise through the roll instead of slicing it in half. Then they put in some secret sauce, tropical fruit relish, tropical fruit mustard and cap it off with a polish sausage.

I went with garlic-lemon secret sauce, pineapple relish and guava mustard. It's one of the best hot dogs I've ever had. Jen got the same secret sauce, mango relish and lilikoi mustard. Yum!

http://www.pukadog.com/