Short Story, "Initiating Safety Protocols"

I wrote a short story for a contest at my local library. The only rule was that it had to be less then 800 words. This one clocked in at 566, but I felt like it was still too long for the concept. The story shares the thoughts of someone who believes they’re about to die. There isn't much time for thought, so I made some revisions and got it down to 393 words. Still too long, but better.

Originally this was the beginning of a much larger story I had in mind, but I changed the outcome to fit the assignment. The story didn’t win, but was included in a volume of all submitted entries that you can borrow from the library. I'm counting that as being published. I really liked the exercise in brevity, both the writing and the editing.

You can read it at https://marcintosh.linefeed.app/initiating-safety-protocols-f6131d

What's in a name?

My first online name was Marc430 back when I was on AOL, back when AOL was a thing. It's my name and my birthday, easy to remember for me and my family. As the internet became bigger and more ubiquitous I kept hearing more and more about not sharing personal information. Although nothing bad ever happened to me, I was convinced that having my birthday in my handle (as AOL called it) was a bad idea. So I started thinking of a new handle. 

I wanted the new handle to represent me, not by using vital statistics, but by acknowledging my interests. Like PhillyNerd or something like that (but not that). So what were my interests? I liked movies and TV, comic books, science fiction, art and design, and technology. So I compiled a list of names that expressed some or all of those traits, whittled it down and settled on... Crillee.

Crillee is the name of the font that was used for the credits of Star Trek: The Next Generation. It covered the gamut. Movies and TV? It was a favorite TV show (and movie series). Science fiction? It's Star Trek! Art and design? It's a typeface. Technology? It's a font. One word, no numbers, easy to remember. It ticked a lot of boxes and I was very happy with it. Until the Dude Bros™ found me. 

The Dude Bros™ (who do not share my interests) saw Crillee and immediately thought it was a girl's name. I got hit on a lot. A lot, a lot. (It made me appreciate women having to deal with this kind of crap all the time.) I would summarize the previous paragraph to explain my name, and that worked most of the time, but word of mouth wasn't gonna happen and I started feeling like a Top 10 radio station... the hits kept on coming. I had to pick a new name.

I went over the list of candidates I had compiled, but nothing really struck me as much as Crillee. I almost went back to my old name, scammers be damned, just to keep it simple. Luckily fate intervened. The timing was such that I was looking to leave AOL on dialup and get an ISP on DSL. When I found a good deal I created an account with every intention of going back to Marc430. As I was filling out the survey for new users they asked what platform I was on and as I was typing Macintosh I was looking at my name several questions back and it clicked. 

I've been marcintosh ever since.

Haiku Plowmen

The server's down, but the internet's up so just for fun I ran the Hawaiian alphabet through the Internet Anagram Server. I discovered the entire Hawaiian alphabet is contained in the phrase 'haiku plowmen.' That inspired a haiku:

All letters of the 

Hawaiian alphabet are

In ‘Haiku Plowmen’

Then I got to thinking about what haiku plowmen might actually be and decided that they are simply crafters of haiku. Another haiku:

Turning words like earth

Trimming lines like a bonzai
We haiku plowmen

My Wedding in Haiku

Big day here at last

It will be one of a kind

Just look at Dave's shoes

Posing for photos

I'm sure there are some shots of 

Jen's shoes stuck in mud

Friends and family

Gather on the patio

Jen is beautiful

Reading off my phone

Everyone is watching me

Crying tears of joy

Jeez, it's hot out here

I mean really freakin' hot

Let's just go inside

Make room for more plates

Can't they just clear the table?

So many flowers

Pianist unplugs

Feedback shocks the restaurant

Guitarist cries foul

Rowdy kid's table

My mother needs a napkin

Sofia's sleeping

So many courses

There's just so much food to eat

Could I get a box?

Lovely wedding cake

Everyone likes the topper

Bow doesn't make it

Brother gives a toast

His true feelings are revealed

I'm Buddy the Elf

More than anything

I will always remember

Those two guys in kilts

For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn.

I like to think Hemingway's famous six word story is about a little girl who likes to be barefoot all the time and outgrows her shoes before she gets to use them.

Update #1: Hemingway probably didn't write that story.

Update #2: I got selected for the One Sentence blog